Snuggie!

So about a week ago I was complaining to my parents that Iowa is cold all of the time. At this point in my Iowa career all this means is that I'm in a pouty mood about nothing in particular and I need a concrete concept to latch onto, namely cold weather.


Now I'm not one to be particularly against the cold, as a matter of fact I take a rather masochistic pleasure in it. The colder it is outside, the more masculine I am for not complaining about it. The problem is I always do complain about it, primarily because I need something to complain about.


Well anyway my mother and I have a running joke that every time I complain about how cold it is in my room (which is my own fault for leaving the window open for hours at a time) she says she'll send me a Snuggie to help keep me warm but really it's to get me to shut up.


Well this time she actually did it.


I know, it's weird huh? Apparently these things are really cheap and easy to come by. I assumed from their notoriety that they were a ridiculous luxury reserved only for the truly stupid. Instead they are a ridiculously stupid perfectly priced for mothers with a well developed sense of irony and sarcasm to send to their smart ass sons.

But here's the thing, I fucking love it!

No seriously when I opened up the package it was in I burst out giggling. Yes giggling, not laughing like a normal person, giggling like I was 5. I kept this up even through German table where I had to explain to a math professor what a Snuggie even was. He looked at me strange and more than definitely judged me.

When I finally got back to my room to open it up and put it on I could barely contain myself. I had already excitedly shown it to a couple of my friends (and a stranger who isn't too much of a stranger) so I was dying to put it on. Needless to say the experience was ridiculous. Despite having about an hour to get over how ridiculous it was that my mother actually sent me a Snuggie I was still reeling from the giddiness. Putting on the Snuggie sent me into a fit of giggling that lasted about 5 minutes, which is really long considering no one was around to appreciate it with me. I immediately phoned my mother to thank her for the generous gift and to catch up (I am a terrible son who never calls his mother). She and I had a good long laugh and she ended up being late for a meeting (sorry mom). I sat around being unproductive in my room for a good two hours before I realized I was still wearing the damn thing, which brings me to my main point:

The Snuggie is a very dangerous thing to have around.


I'm not one to lay about during the week, especially because I am a busy busy man, but something about the Snuggie seems to slip you into a dimension where time means nothing and the only valuable commodity is snuggles. It as if one is transported back to one's early youth when all that mattered was mother's loving embrace and the promise of cookies in the near future.

The Snuggie also encourages the same kind of interaction between people that a five year old would have. When Will came up to see if I wanted to go to dinner I couldn't stop laughing and jumping up and down for a solid 4 or 5 minutes. The new girl on our floor thought it was adorable. Everyone else thought it was just silly.

Anyway to help get a better grasp of the Snuggie I have decided to prepare a list of pros and cons of the Snuggie

Pros (before hoes):
1. It's a fucking Snuggie. It's sole purpose is to make you happy.
2. Sometimes acting like you are 5 is kind of fun
3. It actually is really useful up here, especially because I sleep naked and it gets cold at night.

Cons:
1. You can get the same result (and actually much more comfortably) by just wearing a bathrobe backwards and cutting off the tags.
2. Snuggies create a TON of static electricity. I mean a TON. Every time I remove the Snuggie it pulls at my hair. This is clearly a sign that the Snuggie is trying to bond with my symbiotically.
3. The fabric isn't really ALL that comfortable and is actually of fairly poor quality. I doubt this thing costs much more than a few dollars to make and will probably not last me all that long.
4. I am about to enter the professional world (more or less). Behaving like a 5 year old, while fun, is grossly inappropriate.
5. You look like a fucking idiot while wearing it. There's just no way around this. The Snuggie is a formless and ungainly garment clearly intended for shut ins and old people. Advertisements featuring its use outside are grossly exaggerated as there is no way any self respecting person would leave the house wearing a Snuggie. (Ok so that isn't true, but whatever. Fuck you People of Walmart).


So anyway, the Snuggie will enjoy intensive use for about a week or so until it gets mixed in with the general clutter of my floor and I forget about it.


whatever