Electric Wizard is so good. Why can't everything be so sludgy?
Anyway I've basically abandoned this thing.
It was a failed experiment in all purpose blogging!
I realize now, that I am a terrible blogger. This thing is suspended until further notice.
pease
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
so it occurs to me as I'm sitting here, utterly failing to muster the motivation required to complete my final Turkey exam (though not the final assignment) that I have had a pretty wild ride here.
It was a pretty gutsy decision to go all the way out to the middle of Iowa, to a college I had only heard of about a year prior, to a group of complete strangers WITHOUT a coherent idea of just what the hell I would be doing there.
I can't help but feel that a lot of my life has been dumb luck, and that many of the stories I could tell from this place would require so much back story that I am afraid they will be lost as I resign myself never to tell them.
My advice to any readers I might have, is to explore empty spaces. You never know where you're going to find places like Grinnell, where everyone is completely unaware of the outside world but somehow still connected to it.
I no longer feel constrained by this place, as I once did. It is sad that I must leave soon. Oh well.
It was a pretty gutsy decision to go all the way out to the middle of Iowa, to a college I had only heard of about a year prior, to a group of complete strangers WITHOUT a coherent idea of just what the hell I would be doing there.
I can't help but feel that a lot of my life has been dumb luck, and that many of the stories I could tell from this place would require so much back story that I am afraid they will be lost as I resign myself never to tell them.
My advice to any readers I might have, is to explore empty spaces. You never know where you're going to find places like Grinnell, where everyone is completely unaware of the outside world but somehow still connected to it.
I no longer feel constrained by this place, as I once did. It is sad that I must leave soon. Oh well.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Unknown Assailant
It occurs to me, after a little hindsight, just how fucking ridiculous Unknown Assailant's (possibly) final show actually was.
It featured:
1. Wizard Humping
2. Me in a dress
3. Lots of feedback
4. Drunkenly imploring the audience to remove their earplugs at exactly the moment when we would be loudest
5. Inviting the crowd to touch Joel Coats, our sometimes lead singer.
6. Demanding the audience find me another guitar cable, then angrily grabbing one I saw on the ground anyway
7. Volume and aggression that drove away even my dearest friends
8. General drunken belligerence of the sort that made our actions completely unpredictable
9. A climactic feedback passage which ended in my dramatic disrobing, to absolutely no ones approval
10. Our drummer drinking a 1/4 of handle of Vodka during our 20-30 minute set.
And all of this was done on absolutely zero budget with NO ONE in the audience
Fun times, I wish I had started doing this thing earlier.
It featured:
1. Wizard Humping
2. Me in a dress
3. Lots of feedback
4. Drunkenly imploring the audience to remove their earplugs at exactly the moment when we would be loudest
5. Inviting the crowd to touch Joel Coats, our sometimes lead singer.
6. Demanding the audience find me another guitar cable, then angrily grabbing one I saw on the ground anyway
7. Volume and aggression that drove away even my dearest friends
8. General drunken belligerence of the sort that made our actions completely unpredictable
9. A climactic feedback passage which ended in my dramatic disrobing, to absolutely no ones approval
10. Our drummer drinking a 1/4 of handle of Vodka during our 20-30 minute set.
And all of this was done on absolutely zero budget with NO ONE in the audience
Fun times, I wish I had started doing this thing earlier.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
So basically last night my friend Rick and I ventured out all over campus looking to score lots of booze in our bodies. We ended up drinking quite a lot by human standards.
Anyway we started the night off with the Boulevard's The Sixth Glass which comes in at a pretty mighty (well not anymore but no one can really afford/find this stuff anyway) 10.5% it set us both up for success at the Zombieland drinking game.
After that the night gets out of control and though I remember all of it I'd rather we just hit the fast forward button and move right to where I was waving Mardi Gras beads around and screaming at people to "show me their titties!" It was quite the adventure.
Anyway it was a shit show and I ended up having to walk a great distance to and from Phoenix House to make sure Rick was alright.
Also this is good news! Though it comes a little late for me I'm afraid.
Anyway we started the night off with the Boulevard's The Sixth Glass which comes in at a pretty mighty (well not anymore but no one can really afford/find this stuff anyway) 10.5% it set us both up for success at the Zombieland drinking game.
After that the night gets out of control and though I remember all of it I'd rather we just hit the fast forward button and move right to where I was waving Mardi Gras beads around and screaming at people to "show me their titties!" It was quite the adventure.
Anyway it was a shit show and I ended up having to walk a great distance to and from Phoenix House to make sure Rick was alright.
Also this is good news! Though it comes a little late for me I'm afraid.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Snuggie!
So about a week ago I was complaining to my parents that Iowa is cold all of the time. At this point in my Iowa career all this means is that I'm in a pouty mood about nothing in particular and I need a concrete concept to latch onto, namely cold weather.
Now I'm not one to be particularly against the cold, as a matter of fact I take a rather masochistic pleasure in it. The colder it is outside, the more masculine I am for not complaining about it. The problem is I always do complain about it, primarily because I need something to complain about.
Well anyway my mother and I have a running joke that every time I complain about how cold it is in my room (which is my own fault for leaving the window open for hours at a time) she says she'll send me a Snuggie to help keep me warm but really it's to get me to shut up.
Well this time she actually did it.
I know, it's weird huh? Apparently these things are really cheap and easy to come by. I assumed from their notoriety that they were a ridiculous luxury reserved only for the truly stupid. Instead they are a ridiculously stupid perfectly priced for mothers with a well developed sense of irony and sarcasm to send to their smart ass sons.
But here's the thing, I fucking love it!
No seriously when I opened up the package it was in I burst out giggling. Yes giggling, not laughing like a normal person, giggling like I was 5. I kept this up even through German table where I had to explain to a math professor what a Snuggie even was. He looked at me strange and more than definitely judged me.
When I finally got back to my room to open it up and put it on I could barely contain myself. I had already excitedly shown it to a couple of my friends (and a stranger who isn't too much of a stranger) so I was dying to put it on. Needless to say the experience was ridiculous. Despite having about an hour to get over how ridiculous it was that my mother actually sent me a Snuggie I was still reeling from the giddiness. Putting on the Snuggie sent me into a fit of giggling that lasted about 5 minutes, which is really long considering no one was around to appreciate it with me. I immediately phoned my mother to thank her for the generous gift and to catch up (I am a terrible son who never calls his mother). She and I had a good long laugh and she ended up being late for a meeting (sorry mom). I sat around being unproductive in my room for a good two hours before I realized I was still wearing the damn thing, which brings me to my main point:
The Snuggie is a very dangerous thing to have around.
I'm not one to lay about during the week, especially because I am a busy busy man, but something about the Snuggie seems to slip you into a dimension where time means nothing and the only valuable commodity is snuggles. It as if one is transported back to one's early youth when all that mattered was mother's loving embrace and the promise of cookies in the near future.
The Snuggie also encourages the same kind of interaction between people that a five year old would have. When Will came up to see if I wanted to go to dinner I couldn't stop laughing and jumping up and down for a solid 4 or 5 minutes. The new girl on our floor thought it was adorable. Everyone else thought it was just silly.
Anyway to help get a better grasp of the Snuggie I have decided to prepare a list of pros and cons of the Snuggie
Pros (before hoes):
1. It's a fucking Snuggie. It's sole purpose is to make you happy.
2. Sometimes acting like you are 5 is kind of fun
3. It actually is really useful up here, especially because I sleep naked and it gets cold at night.
Cons:
1. You can get the same result (and actually much more comfortably) by just wearing a bathrobe backwards and cutting off the tags.
2. Snuggies create a TON of static electricity. I mean a TON. Every time I remove the Snuggie it pulls at my hair. This is clearly a sign that the Snuggie is trying to bond with my symbiotically.
3. The fabric isn't really ALL that comfortable and is actually of fairly poor quality. I doubt this thing costs much more than a few dollars to make and will probably not last me all that long.
4. I am about to enter the professional world (more or less). Behaving like a 5 year old, while fun, is grossly inappropriate.
5. You look like a fucking idiot while wearing it. There's just no way around this. The Snuggie is a formless and ungainly garment clearly intended for shut ins and old people. Advertisements featuring its use outside are grossly exaggerated as there is no way any self respecting person would leave the house wearing a Snuggie. (Ok so that isn't true, but whatever. Fuck you People of Walmart).
So anyway, the Snuggie will enjoy intensive use for about a week or so until it gets mixed in with the general clutter of my floor and I forget about it.
whatever
Now I'm not one to be particularly against the cold, as a matter of fact I take a rather masochistic pleasure in it. The colder it is outside, the more masculine I am for not complaining about it. The problem is I always do complain about it, primarily because I need something to complain about.
Well anyway my mother and I have a running joke that every time I complain about how cold it is in my room (which is my own fault for leaving the window open for hours at a time) she says she'll send me a Snuggie to help keep me warm but really it's to get me to shut up.
Well this time she actually did it.
I know, it's weird huh? Apparently these things are really cheap and easy to come by. I assumed from their notoriety that they were a ridiculous luxury reserved only for the truly stupid. Instead they are a ridiculously stupid perfectly priced for mothers with a well developed sense of irony and sarcasm to send to their smart ass sons.
But here's the thing, I fucking love it!
No seriously when I opened up the package it was in I burst out giggling. Yes giggling, not laughing like a normal person, giggling like I was 5. I kept this up even through German table where I had to explain to a math professor what a Snuggie even was. He looked at me strange and more than definitely judged me.
When I finally got back to my room to open it up and put it on I could barely contain myself. I had already excitedly shown it to a couple of my friends (and a stranger who isn't too much of a stranger) so I was dying to put it on. Needless to say the experience was ridiculous. Despite having about an hour to get over how ridiculous it was that my mother actually sent me a Snuggie I was still reeling from the giddiness. Putting on the Snuggie sent me into a fit of giggling that lasted about 5 minutes, which is really long considering no one was around to appreciate it with me. I immediately phoned my mother to thank her for the generous gift and to catch up (I am a terrible son who never calls his mother). She and I had a good long laugh and she ended up being late for a meeting (sorry mom). I sat around being unproductive in my room for a good two hours before I realized I was still wearing the damn thing, which brings me to my main point:
The Snuggie is a very dangerous thing to have around.
I'm not one to lay about during the week, especially because I am a busy busy man, but something about the Snuggie seems to slip you into a dimension where time means nothing and the only valuable commodity is snuggles. It as if one is transported back to one's early youth when all that mattered was mother's loving embrace and the promise of cookies in the near future.
The Snuggie also encourages the same kind of interaction between people that a five year old would have. When Will came up to see if I wanted to go to dinner I couldn't stop laughing and jumping up and down for a solid 4 or 5 minutes. The new girl on our floor thought it was adorable. Everyone else thought it was just silly.
Anyway to help get a better grasp of the Snuggie I have decided to prepare a list of pros and cons of the Snuggie
Pros (before hoes):
1. It's a fucking Snuggie. It's sole purpose is to make you happy.
2. Sometimes acting like you are 5 is kind of fun
3. It actually is really useful up here, especially because I sleep naked and it gets cold at night.
Cons:
1. You can get the same result (and actually much more comfortably) by just wearing a bathrobe backwards and cutting off the tags.
2. Snuggies create a TON of static electricity. I mean a TON. Every time I remove the Snuggie it pulls at my hair. This is clearly a sign that the Snuggie is trying to bond with my symbiotically.
3. The fabric isn't really ALL that comfortable and is actually of fairly poor quality. I doubt this thing costs much more than a few dollars to make and will probably not last me all that long.
4. I am about to enter the professional world (more or less). Behaving like a 5 year old, while fun, is grossly inappropriate.
5. You look like a fucking idiot while wearing it. There's just no way around this. The Snuggie is a formless and ungainly garment clearly intended for shut ins and old people. Advertisements featuring its use outside are grossly exaggerated as there is no way any self respecting person would leave the house wearing a Snuggie. (Ok so that isn't true, but whatever. Fuck you People of Walmart).
So anyway, the Snuggie will enjoy intensive use for about a week or so until it gets mixed in with the general clutter of my floor and I forget about it.
whatever
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Sugar Shock is definitely happening
So because the dining hall does a better job of remembering Valentines Day than me (I'm kidding, I always know when it is so I know exactly when to whine about how I don't actually care about Valentines Day when I open up my mailbox to find exactly zero valentines) they had the traditional decorate your own cookie day. I hate the cookies they make here so I opted for my favorite parts of the frosted cookie, the frosting and toppings. I grabbed a bowl and filled it up with three kinds of frosting (red, white and pink) and all of the toppings that would fit into the bowl. Ironically all that happened was that every scoop became more revolting than the last. The frosting was watery and grainy at the same time and the lemon drops completely overwhelmed the other toppings.
Right now I'm passing in and out of a sugar coma, which I didn't even know was possible (it probably isn't) and struggling to find German articles about the iPad to incorporate into my lesson today.
Also Nathan Clubb, probably one of nearest and dearest friends, walked up behind me as I was sitting in my underwear today and thought it would be hilarious to spook me. Unfortunately for him he was still drunk (11:15 AM) and reeked of booze. He called me last night at 3:34 to see if I wanted to hang out, I didn't pick up the phone. We're keeping a tally of how often he shows up to work hung over. His shift at the library starts at 9 PM, he's already done it once.
Right now I'm passing in and out of a sugar coma, which I didn't even know was possible (it probably isn't) and struggling to find German articles about the iPad to incorporate into my lesson today.
Also Nathan Clubb, probably one of nearest and dearest friends, walked up behind me as I was sitting in my underwear today and thought it would be hilarious to spook me. Unfortunately for him he was still drunk (11:15 AM) and reeked of booze. He called me last night at 3:34 to see if I wanted to hang out, I didn't pick up the phone. We're keeping a tally of how often he shows up to work hung over. His shift at the library starts at 9 PM, he's already done it once.
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